How to deal with bossy people?
Joe is my teammate. Through the difficult project, he steers our group in the right direction, gives instructions to everyone, and solves everyone’s problems, even personal ones. He is the ‘fountain of wisdom’ we all drink from, or so he believes.
In fact, Joe is an irritating guy who wants the group to do his every bidding, gives unsolicited advice, and intervenes in everyone’s personal life. We call him the ‘The Great Dictator‘.
We all have such dictators in our lives. They want us to dance to their tune and are convinced that we are worse off without them. Even when their intentions are good, we find their insistence suffocating.
Root cause
Dictators are everywhere. They put on the attire of political and religious leaders, CEOs, parents, colleagues, and so on.
Dictators manipulate and control people and societies. They tap into our conditioning of following someone. Since childhood, we are taught not to stand against authorities and are forbidden from sticking out our toes from the line drawn by them. As long as we comply, everything is in order.
However, I find overbearing people irritating, to say the least.
Dealing with dictators
Resisting dictators is like fighting your gag reflex; both just never back away. Dictators know how to get their way by using fear, guilt, and shame. But if we don’t resist them, we will be their doormats forever.
These are some tools to put a cap on the dictatorship of family members, colleagues, and friends
- Ignore, sometimes
The best tactic is to ignore bossy people and move forward. We are in no way obliged to respond to them. Many dictators get disheartened when they get no response and hunt for other feeble beings to push around.
2. Be firm but not contentious
If dictators keep pestering us even after ignoring them several times, it is time to change tactics. Learn to say no with firmness and respect: ‘I don’t agree with you in this particular situation’, ‘I think my way is better in this’. Without degrading them, let them know that there are boundaries.
3. Don’t play their game
Never get in the ring and start rounds of arguments with dictators. They are adept at winning arguments. Hence, it is wise to sidestep that trap.
“Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.”
Mark Twain
Rather use humor to diffuse the situation. A harmless comment like ‘Seems you are the one making decisions for me’ can easily take the wind out of their sails.
If that doesn’t work, go to the next step.
4. Earn respect
Sometimes people boss us because they feel we are incapable of making our own decisions. Usually, this is the fuel that drives most parents and elders. It is our responsibility to earn their respect. By handling problems and taking responsibility for life, show that you can thrive without them. This may force them to loosen their clutch on you.
5. It is not about you
Keep in mind that ‘bossiness’ is encoded in the DNA of these people. It is less about you and more about their insecurity. So do not take it personally. This gives us the emotional detachment necessary to deal with them.
Live free
We need not suffer under the boots of another if we follow these simple rules. There is no need to fear when standing up for yourself, no place for shame for not dancing according to the whim of others, and no point in arguing with the oppressor.
Let us dethrone the dictators, be in control of our own lives, and live free.
Thank you for reading. Please post your thoughts in the comment box below.
