How many times have you said “I don’t know” this week? Once? Twice? Most people I asked replied that they barely admit their ignorance.

Even when they have no clue about a topic, some tend to brag like experts. I once asked a friend whether he knew how to bake a cake. “Sure, it is easy”, he said. “Take a pan and bake the cake!”

Why do we do this?

I believe we’re often reluctant to acknowledge our own limitations. We try to cover them. By putting on a mask of confidence, we hide our vulnerabilities.

One reason we do this is because society adores confident people. We listen to confident words, we cheer brash and thoughtless actions, and if there is a leader who projects a false air of invincibility, we elect him as president. We just love demagogues.

Benefits of being your authentic self

We all have shortcomings. No one can be an expert at everything. However, society pushes us to hide our inabilities. It equates vulnerability with weakness. Our inability, it preaches, will be exploited. So, we hide our true selves, making us inauthentic.

But there are many positives to being authentic.

For one, it helps develop self-love. Only someone who has self-respect can embrace their vulnerabilities. To truly care for oneself, one has to fight social norms, overcome the fear of exploitation, and build strength of character.

Second, opening up the authentic self can truly transform us. We can overcome some of our limitations. But first, we need to accept them. Then and then only can we work on improving them.

In his book, Losing My Virginity, Sir Richard Branson shares his journey of accepting his true self. As a child with dyslexia, Branson found reading and writing extremely challenging. Eventually, he left school at 15. But he never gave up.

Instead of letting his limitations hold him back, he embraced them. When he started Virgin, he leaned on others to help with reading and writing. He had them read out the marketing copies to him, choosing only those he could understand quickly. This approach made Virgin’s marketing materials clear and direct, significantly contributing to the company’s success.   

Though I am not Branson, I too can attest to the positives of embracing true self. I used to be a perfectionist who projected a strong image. But it strained my close relationships. Once I decided to open up and express my vulnerabilities, my loved ones became more understanding. Instead of arguing, they started counseling; rather than criticizing, they started motivating; stopped complaining and started helping. This made my relationships more meaningful.

Vulnerability and spirituality

Embracing vulnerability not only fosters emotional stability but also catalyzes spiritual growth.

For instance, religions have created belief systems to shield the followers from vulnerability. This is necessary to a point; like a seed needing the warmth of mother earth’s bosom to germinate. But as it grows into a tree, it should face the harsh environment to become strong. Likewise, a seeker should embrace vulnerability by evolving beyond their beliefs. Only then can they grow spiritually.

Additionally, giving up the exclusivist view of one’s religion is challenging. However, after making the effort to understand different philosophies and religions, one will realize that all of them hold truth and value. This openness is crucial.

Keys to openness

Are you someone who can’t open up? If so, here are some simple steps.

Let go of perfectionism

No one is perfect. The personality quirks make each individual unique. So stop pretending to be a strong man or a know-it-all, like I did. This will reveal your authentic self.

Practice self-compassion

Accept your shortcomings and nurture yourself with love. Only then can you accept the shortcomings of others and love them for who they are.

Start small

Start by sharing a painful memory with your life partner. You will see how it changes their perception of you. It will give you the courage to express your authentic self.

Embrace your self

“I am seventy two now. However, I will still feel insecure if someone acts close to my guru. But I will not judge myself on my insecurity. Rather I will make sure that it does not harm anyone… I don’t want to be a seedless grape.” Guru Nitya Chaitanya Yati

Life’s journey doesn’t demand perfection. But it needs you to be aware of your vulnerabilities. Only then can we recognize them and avoid the problems they cause.

So, are you ready to take off the mask and embrace your authentic self?

Thank you for reading. Please post your thoughts in the comment box.

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