How to change people?

Our world is rapidly getting polluted by hatred. It has permeated all sectors where love prevailed before. In the place of patriotism, we now have ultra-nationalism; instead of harmony, it is racism; in place of religious belief, fanaticism, and so on. These hostile camps suffocate us with discrimination, biases, and bigotry.

Is there a way to cure this epidemic and get people out of the prison of hatred?

Daryl Davis, the famous musician and activist, says yes. He single-handedly convinced nearly 200 Klu Klux Klan members to give up their ideology. Not with rallies or protests but with love and determination, he built the bridge with racists and walked right into their hearts.

His inspiring story breathes fresh air into those suffocated by discrimination and hatred. In his Ted talk, he narrates how he approached one of the most infamous groups and appealed to the goodness in them.

Lessons from Daryl’s story

Our natural response to hatred is—surprise, hatred itself. If someone hates us, we hate them back. But Daryl asked a simple question to the racists, “How can you hate me when you don’t even know me?” Thus he evoked their intellect and innate love and prompted them to rethink their prejudice.

Surely, it is difficult to chip away at the cemented biases. But with patience and the right tools, it can be done. Here are some tools that can come in handy in this noble endeavor:

Agree on agreeables

Communicate and find common ground with biased people. Hostile camps tend to label their rivals as totally different. Once we can show them that there are many things that we can agree on, we open a small window into their tightly shut world.

Be non-confrontational

An empathetic approach is the best way to communicate. Understand that they have many ideas that you can’t agree with. But a transformation doesn’t come overnight. Listen without judging. Giving them your attention is the first step to change.

Lend them your shoes

Without imposing, let them see your perspective. Prompt them to rethink stereotypes. Though it takes time, and though people resist it at first, there comes a point, called the ‘Affective tipping point’ in psychology, beyond which their opinions will start tipping.

Take a different approach

Nowadays, our debates are boxing rings where opponents attack each other’s fundamental beliefs. However, it has been proven that such an approach only results in people embracing their ideology tightly. Rather than attacking beliefs, it is better to portray the plight of the people who suffer from their hatred. If we can evoke dormant love in their heart, we can defeat hatred.

Love above all

Most important of all is love. If you do not have empathy for those who lost their way, you can’t change them. You can only stoke the love in them only if you have blazing love within you.

Spread love

Modern Klu-Klux-Klans have mushroomed all around the world. Through racism, sectarianism, islamophobia, and other sordid recipes, they serve the poisonous dish of hatred. A famished society that blindly consumes everything gets sick eventually, if not already.

Let us follow in the footsteps of torch-bearers like Daryl Davis and feed society with love. Our honest efforts will surely make it reject the servings of hatred.

Let us start sawing the seeds of love before the harsh winter of hatred freezes the heart of society.

Thank you for reading. Please post your opinions in the comment box below.