When Relationships Fail

God gives us relatives; thank God, we can choose our friends

Addison Mizner

I believe a person’s life can be summarised in three factors: the love and effort he gave to his relations, experiences that he went through and the lessons that he learned. It may not be a very good approximation but it sure does give an idea about the person as a whole.

A Social instinct

Humans, being a social animal derives a lot of pleasure from his relations. No one can lead a lonely life and honestly say that he is happy. In fact, according to one of the longest studies conducted by Harvard, the more the number of quality relations a person has, the happier the person is. You can read more about it here.

Relations are so very important. We have to keep on making new relations to grow. Acquainting with someone teaches us a lot of lessons. New ideas, new thoughts and experiences all come in the package. Relating to a person with differing ideas is also beneficial as we get to learn what inspires her to think like that.

Not an easy task

Maintaining a quality relationship is not easy. It requires patience and demands a lot of sacrifice from both parties. Still, every relationship goes through rough patches. Some ups and downs are inevitable. But those who bear through will be the happy ones ultimately.

Every relation pushes us to grow a little more; emotionally, intellectually, spiritually or to grow in love. Growth is always a painful process and hence all associations are painful in one way or another.

Are relationships disposable?

There can be many arguments for this question. I, for one, am a person who believes that relations are not disposable and have to be maintained to keep growing.

Nevertheless, there are some relations that we should get out of because it completely binds us with jealousy and demands all our energy. Such parasitic relationships which destroy all others have to be avoided for sure.

The Agony

People can survive business failures. Many survive deadly diseases. But it completely breaks most when their loved ones leave them.

Relationship failures are surely very hard to deal with. Breakups can devastate anyone. The intensity of a break up is well portrayed by Henrik Ibsen in his classic play A Doll’s House. The protagonist Nora Helmer slammed the door shut after breaking the stifling relationship with her husband. Critics state that its echo resounded more loudly than the guns of Waterloo.

We have to feel the people around us instead of taking everyone for granted. It is better to keep our loved ones close to us than break the relation and try for reconciliation later.

Reconciliation

β€œCome, follow me, and I will show you how to fish for people!”

Jesus

If at all possible we should try to reconcile with our loved ones. Nothing kills us more than lost love. Try to communicate with the person, figure out what went wrong and fix it if you can.

Some bonds which became static due to long years of silence can sometimes be brought back to life with a simple ‘how do you do?’. Some others may require more effort. Don’t let your ego be a barrier because you will never regret the energy spent on gaining someone.

The joy of getting back is so great. I have had such an experience in the recent past.

A recent incident

If despite your best efforts, the friendship failed and all doors towards reconciliation are closed, do not lament it. Take the positives and remain loving to the person.

Recently one of my friendships failed. The greatest disappointment to me was that I didn’t know what caused it. Though we had very few things in common, I liked her innocence. But I had felt in her a fear of commitment, and her unloving attitude was not easy to get around. I shouldered the responsibility of carrying the friendship forward. But one fine morning, she decided to be indifferent and unresponsive.

I value my relations so much so that I cannot help but keep trying for reconciliation. Though there is no luck yet, I am ever so hopeful.

A learning experience

If all the bridges have been burned down and you are absolutely certain that there is no hope, make sure to end it in a good note. Lashing out of emotions will only make it worse. Give a wholehearted send-off which will allow you to face each other with an honest smile later in life.

Everything in life is a learning experience. All failures make us stronger and better. Therefore, there is no need to feel rejected or hurt in the face of failed relations. They purify our love and makes us grow more and more.

Thank you for reading. Please share your views in the comment box below

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