Dealing with Loneliness

One of the greatest fears in our life is loneliness. Philosophers and psychologists have termed it as the biggest agony in a person’s life. To be alone is to be in pain.

We are so afraid of loneliness that we go long distances to avoid it. We try to impose our position in society in the hope that it will cement our relations and will never be alone. All of our actions are in fact an outgrowth of this effort towards companionship.

Avoiding loneliness

My peers, lately, have found companionship through means of intoxication – it makes them sociable. I, however, cannot force myself to use drugs to cheat on my loneliness – it is all that I have – and when the drugs and alcohol dissipate, will be all that my peers have as well.

Franz Kafka

Our efforts to escape loneliness can sometimes lead to many problems. Some fall for alcoholism, cult followings, wrong relations, substance abuse and so on in the quest to avoid being alone.

Many relations fail because people see relationships as a remedy for loneliness. We have to accept that sometimes it is not so. People can remain emotionally distant though they are in a relationship. This emotional isolation creates frustration which takes the love away from the relation.

We have to accept that despite our best efforts, we may remain lonely. The sad fact is that we meet loneliness at the end of the very path we take to avoid it.

Should we fear loneliness?

But what makes loneliness so scary? Why can’t we find a way to be comfortable in it?

Being a social animal, humans require social connections to exist. It is the society that makes us who we are. But we cannot always be in the middle of a crowd. There would be situations which force us to be on our own.

No one can avoid feeling isolated once in a while. The problem is that we are not really equipped to face such a situation. But if we are ready for it, is there a need to fear loneliness so much?

How to get rid of the fear of loneliness?

We are all born alone and die alone. The loneliness is definitely part of the journey of life.

Jenova Chen

The solution to any problem starts with one simple step: facing it. Most of us do not face loneliness. We try to fill the gap with television, Xbox, Netflix, social networks and so on. Therein lies the primary flaw.

It would not surprise anyone to know that feeling of isolation can negatively affect our mental and physical health. But it is not the state of loneliness but our outlook towards it that causes the harm.

We should get rid of the idea that loneliness is a failure or even a sin. Like all other emotions, aloneness should also be accommodated. When we try to bypass the situation using some short cut methods, we end up suppressing it and it remains a problem forever.

How to face loneliness?

For me, time with myself is a time for reflection and self-evaluation. I revisit my preferences in life and make sure that I am where I want myself to be; spiritually and intellectually.

We should learn to embrace silence once in a while. This can only happen while we are alone. Cutting off from all the noises outside and inside our self can make us tranquil. Great masters term this tranquility as meditation.

Once we start meditating, we become confident in our aloneness. This makes life so much better.

Improving the quality of life

If you are afraid of loneliness, do not marry.

Anton Chekhov

Someone who is comfortable in his aloneness become very confident in his relationships. He transcends the fear of abandonment and will be ready to face the risk of loss. He will not act loving for escaping isolation. He will be loving because he is full of it.

When we embrace loneliness and stop seeing relations as an escape from it, our loved ones are exempted from the pressure of our expectations. This makes our relations much relaxed and unconditional.

A time for meditation and silence

Once we see it as a tool for improving our relations and self-reflection, loneliness will become an enjoyable time. We will come to the understanding that if used wisely, our alone time is a mirror which reflects our self.

When we choose to use our isolation to meditatively analyze our flaws and purgation of negative emotions, we will be guarding each second of it like a treasure.

Let us be matured enough to enjoy the thrill and agony of the time with ourselves.

Thank you for reading. Please post your valuable opinions in the comment box below

15 comments

    • Thank you for sharing your experience. It is great to know that you are comfortable in your alone time. Happy to see your comment again

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